Some information that I found interesting from this weeks discussion is as follows:

Men learn better being shoulder to shoulder working side by side.
Women learn better and communicate face to face.

We learn more from our children than we do from our parents

A question that we answered in class was:
What are you going to do as a result of the information you have?

There are many things that we have learned in this class, but the one thing that concerns me the most is the fact that I grew up with my father always being at home, because we had a family farm. I know with my husbands degree that he will be working outside of the home and be gone for the majority of the day. This is something that I have never really been exposed to and something that concerns me a little as I will be raising my children with a lot less influence of their father than I had. I know that I will need to be very careful to always plan family time together, even, and especially when life gets very busy. I want work not to be a chore, but something that we all can do together and learn to grow and understand each other better because of it. This class has been a great opportunity for me to take what I have been concerned about and find solutions for the problem. We emphasized in class how important it is for us not to use work as punishments, and now looking back on my childhood I can see that my mother was very careful to use alternate ways to punish her child. For example she would have us be punished by having to sit alone and having nothing to do. In a way I have found this to be a very valuable skill that I have gained because of it. I am always striving to accomplish everything that I can because do not enjoy doing nothing. I find work to be fun and very rewarding.

This week we discusses communication and the effect it can have on our relationships not only with our families but with our friends and coworkers. First of all there are two different types of communication, verbal and non verbal. We discussed how much of an impact each of these has on our daily conversations.

Verbal:                                    
 - Words                     14%                      
 - Tones                      35%                  
Nonverbal:                                    
 - Body Language       51%

Every word is a code for something and the way we interpret those words are very different, and we find that body language is the most influential to us when we are having a conversation. When someone is saying something with their mouth, and saying something completely different with their actions, we are much more likely to believe what they are saying with their actions.

We had some great discussions this week in class. First of all we discussed the ABC-X model, which is as follows:

A - Actual Event
B - Behavioral Response (Physical)
C - Cognition (Mental Emotions)
X - Total Experience

We then discussed a different way to think of the word responsibility when pertaining to you being responsible for your actions in the case of abuse.

RESPONSE - ABILITY

There are three things that we should make sure that everyone that has been abused knows, according to the book, "Sex, Love, and Violence."

When someone has been abused
1. Not their fault
2. Evil is always stupid
3. Their spirit was hurt

Does the proposal matter?
Does the wedding matter?
Why/How Why/How not?

These were some of the questions we were asked this week during our discussion in class. At first I didn't think it really mattered if you had some big or special proposal and extravagant wedding, through our discussion I have learned what is ideal and what we should watch out for. When the guy proposes it a big extravagant way, in front of a large group of people, it can make the girl feel pressured to say yes even if she really doesn't feel like she is ready for marriage. When he asks the girl in a quiet private setting, if there are any concerns the couple are much more likely to talk about some of them, instead of just jumping into a situation that they aren't ready for.

We talked about what makes the wedding what it is. The wedding doesn't have to be a huge ordeal, you can have a very nice little reception. The purpose of a reception is for the community to receive the new couple as husband and wife, and not for the couple to provide this elaborate party for all the guests to attend. it is amazing how much of this concept has been skewed over the years. We have lost sight of what getting married is all about, and it has turned into a huge ordeal to impress those who should be accepting us for who we really are.

This week we have had a great discussion about how the relationship between the husband and wife changes when the children are born. It has been shown that marital satisfaction decreases just weeks after the baby is born. This could be because.

wife/mother is preoccupied with the child
reduced communication (both emotional and instrumental)
perceived agreement is decreased
the wife can be more critical of her husband
intimacy levels go down
less emotionally fulfilling communication

You need to be as much concerned about your spouse as you are yourself. This will help you to be closer to each other during these challenges.

This week we talked a lot about dating, and how some of the habits you form in dating can carry into your relationship of marriage. You have to be very careful to carefully date in such a way that we build healthy relationships with those who we care about. One aspect that we talked about is the three P's of dating and the three P's that are roles of a father and husband in a house hold. I never connected the two together before, but it is true that proper dating matches up very well with the attributes you are striving for in a husband.

Paired off - Protect

     responsible for others, getting to know.

Planned - Preside

     beginning, clarity in the beginning, end plan, structure

Paid for - Provide

     in advance

The more you have in common with a person the more likely you are to stay together in a marriage, it is not true that opposites attract, you need to have similarities so that you have something in common a way to connect and something that you can do together. There are somethings that you can have different, as a complement, but you are not opposites. 

We were given the quote in class:

"We badly need to raise our boys more like your girls"

-Gloria Steinham

There are many who say that boys and girls behave so differently because of the way we treat them, and the ideas and stereotypes we put in their minds while they are growing up. I believe that boys and girls are different for a reason, and no matter what they will not be the same. One of my classmates suggested that maybe we should be raising our boys more like gentlemen. Teach them how to be gentle and kind, nurturing and loving, but still protecting and providing for their families. If we were to do this our boys would not have to be like a girl, but rather an even better complement to a woman. I also believe that there is something very special about a woman's ability to nurture and raise children. You cannot change a woman's natural tendencies. Men and women are the way that they are for a reason, and we shouldn't always be trying to change them for what we think is a better mold.

Does Social Class matter in terms of accomplishing the purposes of family?
Yes or No?
Why, How?

No I do not think that social class matters in terms of accomplishing the purposes of family. I feel that no matter where you are in society you can have a very successful family unit. I know that some scenarios will be a little harder than others, but they are all possible. You don't have to have the means to be able to give your kids everything, in some ways that may hurt them more than help them. You simply need to be able to make the best of your situation and show your children the value of hard honest work and all that can come to you because of it.

This last week we talked about factors were involved in the baby boom and then the decline of birth rates in the 60's and 70's. Some that we came up with in class were:

-WWII had just ended
-Vaccines and medical advances were taking place so there was a higher survival rate.

Then in the late 60's and early 70's there was a decrease in birthrates because:

-Women were joining the work force
-There was more reliable and inexpensive birth control.
-Individuation was more pronounced.
-Divorce laws were relaxed.

Who is effected and how by not having children?:

There are many people who are effected by others not having children. All those who are surrounding them. It makes it difficult to have things in common with those around them. They really effect their own lives, because they miss out on great opportunities to learn and grow and in a sense grow up and not act so much as a child themselves. When you have the responsibility of children your views on the world change, your interest and you passions. Everything you do now revolves around these little children who you have created.

Family is the unit of growth and development.

The family is the fundamental unit of society. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World.)

Trends in the world today.

In class this week we talked about some of the different trends that exist in the world today. Some of which include:

Cohabitation                         (Increasing)

Delayed Marriage                 (Ages 26/28)

Living Alone                         (Increasing)

Employed Mothers               (Increasing)

Divorce                                (Increased but then leveled out)

Births to Unwed Women      (Increasing)

Birth Rates                           (Decreasing)

We discussed some of the pros and cons of some of these and it was very interesting to see how some people feel on different topics. We tried to classify these trends into categories according to our own personal opinion, the three categories are as follows, Critical, Significant, or No Big Deal. A lot of our own views come from where we grew up and the experiences that we have had through our journey in this life. When you have an emotional connection to one of these trends you have a very passionate opinion. We also discussed how you can have conflict without arguing, you can have both of these without having a failed marriage, it is just how you handle these situations when you are placed in them.  

First Day of Class

This blog is for my FAML 160 class here at BYU-I. Today we had a great discussion about analyzing data that we receive when researching a certain topic, or even information that we receive through word of mouth from friends, family, or what we hear on the television. You should be aware of the sampling size and representation. One thing that I thought was very important is to watch for people who are bias to certain aspects of the research because that will skew the results. When you receive the information it is very wise to be skeptical and look for flaws instead of blindly following, especially when these are decisions that influence your family.